Burger at the Bar

Most bars are not known for their food. I do not drink and I never go to bars, but even I know that you shouldn't eat from the bowl of pretzels on the bar. Who knows where the hands that have touched them have been? But hark, there is at least one exception to the don't-eat-the-food-at-bars rule. That exception is The Cotton Bottom which is aptly located at the bottom of the cottonwood canyons. This bar is old and from what I can see hasn't had a paint job since . . . ever.

Remember when I said I never go to bars. I really really meant that I never ever go to bars. It's just not me. But people at my wife's work have recommended this place over and over again. I have no problem going to a bar, I know I'm an adult. But I really have no idea how to behave in one. I don't know the dress code, I don't drive a motor cycle, I've never been in a fight, my press on tattoo is already rubbing away, I don't think I could break a pool cue over my knee, I like sleeves on my shirts, and my wife said no when I suggested she wear a tube top and heels. I do, however, own a red bandanna, but I grow a pretty sissy beard and an even sissier mustache. What is a clean cut Mormon couple to do? We decided to just wing it.
I was sure I would stick out as a sore thumb in that place but nobody seemed to notice us. Well, not until we couldn't seem to find the entrance, some nice bikers pointed us toward the door. The door was a jimmy rigged piece of painted wood and we had to walk through the kitchen to get inside. When we finally did get inside we decided we didn't like second hand smoke so much so we ate outside on one of the picnic tables.
The Cotton Bottom has one cook, one waitress, and just one food item on the menu; just cheeseburgers. They don't even serve fries. When the lovely waitress saw us we ordered a pitcher of Pepsi, because we like the hard stuff, and she just said "2 cheeseburgers?" Yes ma'am, that was easy.
The burgers are huge and the pickles are served on the side, ON THE SIDE. Thank you! Finally someone gets it. Pickles have about a 50% satisfaction rate and the customer should not have them forced on them. Bonus points for you Cotton Bottom. Do you like garlic? You had better hope so if you plan on going to The Cotton Bottom. They are very garlic-y but not annoyingly so. However, plan on garlic burps for a day or two. The bun is, I think, a cut off section of a very large deli bun. Very sponge-y, unlike any burger bun you have likely tried and very good. A very simple but delicious burger that needed very little to no condiments to enhance it. The outdoor patio was a cool environment, so much so that we stayed 30 minutes after we finished our food to just sit, talk and enjoy the evening under the pine trees.
If you want a unique experience and a delicious burger with a twist I would highly recommend The Cotton Bottom. And turns out you don't need a bandanna or denim vest to get in, but it wouldn't hurt either.

Ketchup vs Mustard

Ketchup and Mustard could not be more different, but one is far superior to the other. But first a little lesson on flavor. I'm no expert, but from my experience there are three types of flavors in this world:
1) Blender flavors - these flavors give subtle tastes that by nature neither bring out flavor nor mask it, like mushrooms or vanilla for instance. They blend with the other flavors and if done right the blend make for a more enjoyable flavor overall. It should be noted that not all flavors jive with all other flavors, like corn dogs and chocolate pudding or pineapple mixed with any other flavor.
2) Dominator flavors - these flavors do not blend nor do they enhance flavors, they dominate them, i.e. bananas. Ever had a strawberry-banana smoothie? It was probably more of a strawberry-BANANA smoothie.

The banana, unless proportioned just right, will overpower anything it touches. Case in point, my mom once left a few bananas in the same cupboard as a sealed bag of potato chips for a week or so. Then, when said bag of chips was opened the chips tasted like salty banana shaving. (note to self, Salty Banana Shavings is an great idea for a band name). Dominator flavors are not bad they just need to be used in small doses. Many people think that good tasting dominator flavors should be piled on your food because, hey they taste good and more equals better right? Not so, unless you hate the flavor of your food and want to mask it entirely. Please note that nearly any flavor can be a dominater flavor if used in excess.
3) Enhancer flavors - these flavors bring out flavors that are in the background. Salt is a good example of an enhancer flavor. Ever gotten horseradish with your prime rib? That stuff is potent! Most people brush it off to the side and cannot understand why anyone would eat that stuff on purpose. But if used in small amounts the flavor of your steak goes from volume 5 to volume 11 with a subtle horseradish taste in the background. Onions have the same effect. In exess these flavors will ruin you, RUIN you! But if done right, that delicious taste you love is even more present.

If you know me at all you know exactly where this is going and all you ketchup lovers are just waiting for me to badmouth your precious tomato gravy so that you can hunt me down. Now now, no need to get violent. Let the record show that I like ketchup. I do. . . However, it is highly over-rated. I have a rather long list of things that are over-rated but I'll only share this one with you. Ketchup. Ketchup is a dominator flavor. If used in excess your food will not taste better, it will just taste more like ketchup. My theory with ketchup is that it was invented to get kids to eat stuff. Think about it. Next time you taste ketchup just try to taste how much sugar is in it. It is sooo sweet, no wonder kids douse their chicken nuggets in the stuff. It's time to grow up and start acting like adults and realize that dumping tons of over sweetened tomato snot on your food doesn't actually make it taste very good. And instead of enhancing flavors it covers them up. So plain and simple if you hate the taste of burgers then please, douse it in ketchup. If not then a small nickel sized dollop of it on a burger is all you need, if that. If I add ketchup to my burger its only because it is dry or there are no tomatoes present.
Mustard on the other hand is an enhancer flavor. Love the way your bratwurst tastes? Would you like more of that delicious taste? Try just a dab of mustard on that sausage and BOOM! More delicious bratwurst flavor. I can no longer eat hot dogs with ketchup, and if I do it is litterally a dab that gets spread on my bun until it is little more than a pink smudge. But I put a lot of mustard on that thing to up the flavor scale. Would you ever put tomatoes on your hot dog? Would you ever put sugar on your hot dog? Probably not, then don't do it ever again and you'll be all the happier for it. And that's a guarantee. This is another reason why I love the Wayne Burger at Scaddy's. They use a healthy portion of mustard and just a smidge of ketchup, the result is a balanced but powerful flavor profile and a juicy burger.