Lucky 13, at last I have found you.

Let's just get it out of the way, Christmas passed and today is New Year's Eve, so . . . happy 'those days' to all of you. Many blogs do the whole themed posts with candy cane decorations and the like. I have a Y chromosome and, like the majority of us Y'ers, this whole decorating and theme-ing thing is lost on me. However, I do like the holidays and hope you all had/have jolly ones, hopefully with a tasty burger to help celebrate. Now to the real reason we're all here.

I was surprised that from moment I declared my intentions of starting this burgers adventure, and consecutively this blog, that all of my blog followers genuinely wanted to guide me to 'their place'. Everyone seems to have one, their go-to burger place for a consistent and satisfying experience. Most of the recommendations I've received have been better than good, while other's have fallen flat. I love the recommendations, keep them coming. I even like the ones that fall flat, oddly I like knowing they're there and I take notes of what to look for, and usually I can find at least one redeeming quality. 

I was equally surprised to find out how many restaurants exist that specialize in burgers. I had no idea there were so many. I worried that I may run out of places to go and thus this blog would eventually go the way of the dodo, I see now that I could do this consistently into the foreseeable future with no chance of running out of places to try. That said, I may drift, very rarely, to some different but obviously related and relevant food groups. For example: hot dogs, bratwurst, fries, maybe even root beer etc. . . So stay tuned, I have some exciting places to visit that I am antsy to try. (also, stay tuned for the fast food burger showdown. It's gonna be epic!) 

Sorry, so blurry. Bad lighting

Anyway, where were we? Oh yeah, recommendations. Ahem. . . Since the moment I started this culinary journey I have been told by many a burger connoisseur to try Lucky 13, a local bar and grill in downtown SLC. As a birthday treat Whitney and I decided to give it a try, hoping it was as good as people have said. Our expectations were high, our birthdays are 3 days apart so we usually do something big as one big party for both of us. This year, it was Lucky 13. 

Lucky 13 somehow exceeded expectations, which, again, were quite high. Portions are very generous and their burgers are creative without trying to hard, you can usually tell when they start throwing pineapple on things. Not at Lucky 13 though. They serve a variety of burgers that all sounded so good I nearly had a panic attack trying to decide. It was decided we would have to return several times to try them all. 

again, sorry for the poor quality

In then end Whit got the Bacon stinky cheeseburger (blue cheeseburger) and I got the Pig Pen (bacon + ham. putting HAM back in hamburger). Just so you know, they do bacon right! Thick and real. so so real. She got the onion ring which had a strong beer kick to them and I got the rosemary garlic fries that were so good I nearly wept. 

I did very little research of this place beforehand, going exclusively off of my fans' recommendations. Later I realized why we were so impressed. Their buns looked fancy but still looked like they came out of a big plastic bag, but as it turns out they are freshly baked every day, which is great. BUT WAIT THERE'S MORE! Seriously, I was SOOOO impressed by this next piece of information. Are you ready for it? You're not, but I'm gonna tell you anyway. Lucky 13's bacon is smoked in-house daily with hickory apple wood. Is that not amazing? They do their own bacon, I think this is a first for me. So be aware that their bacon is very very good and as real as you're likely to get.

So do I approve? Why yes I do, best birthday ever. Go to Lucky 13 and tell them Samburger sent you. Don't really, they probably don't know me and it will just confuse them.

Carl's Jr., you heard me.

Ok, I know I have never blogged about a fast food joint before, and for good reason. Mainly that reason is that they are not very good and, thus I try to avoid them. However, no one can escape fast food. At some point you're gonna be desperate and it will be the only option. Or, if you're like me, sometimes you just crave a jr. bacon cheeseburger and a frosty at Wendy's. We all know fast food is poor quality and usually equally poor service, yet we go anyway and some of us go often. Don't get me wrong I like a fast food burger every once in a while. They are usually edible and are masked with just enough taste as to convince us that they are 'good'. 

But let's try something, reach back into the recesses of your memory and try to remember what a fast food burger taste like. This should be easy, it's not hard to remember. If you can truly bring this to your memory than you will realize that the fast food 'burgers' you like so well don't actually taste much like a real genuine burger, not really. Right? Not surprisingly, these are merely synthetic recreations of a product with inferior ingredients, some of which are made and cooked in China before being shipped here. 

However, there are two things that most fast food places do that I think are executed well, as far as taste goes anyway. The two things that are most delicious on the fast food menu are their fries and most of their breakfast sandwiches. McDonald fries are a cheap imitation of the real thing, buuuuuuuuuuut damn they taste good! They are just good and I can't resist them. Damn them all, I am powerless to their evil, evil fries.
Anyway, I'm not here to blog about fries, not today. Today I want to give credit where credit is due to Carl's Jr. (The west coast version of Hardee's). They are stepping out of the box as of the last couple of years and I for one have noticed. As far as I know they are the only fast food chain to make their biscuits fresh every day. There is a difference between, say, McDonald's pre-cooked-then-frozen biscuit and one that is fresh baked from dough from Carl's Jr, a big big difference. Seriously, it would be like comparing the repulsive feeling you get by touching the sticky used gum stuck to the underside of a table to the blissful blissfulness of being cuddled by puppies and ducklings in a nest of cotton candy. It would be like comparing pulling porcupine quills out of the roof of your mouth to being in a hot air balloon with a dozen baby otters who sang sweet lullaby's in your ear until you fell asleep curled up in the bottom of the wicker basket. (Man, can I paint a picture with my words or what!) Seriously though, their biscuits are amazing which makes their breakfast sandwiches even amazinger. I'm sure the eggs, the bacon, and the sausage are all pre-frozen and probably microwaved and the cheese is made of plastic but the buttery flaky biscuit comes in and gives you a big hug and makes everything ok.

I don't know how but Carl's Jr. got our address and sends us coupons every month. I'm not even mad. We use them fairly often. Every time we make a trip to southern Utah we stop there for a couple Monster Biscuits for the trip. And their coupons are actually good, meaning they are buy one get one free or $1 off your order, you know, they actually have some value. We also get coupons for a chinese restaurant in the mail that offers a free small drink when you purchase two entrees and a desert at regular price, not even tempted. Are there people living who fall for this stuff? Also, Carl's Jr. usually has some breakfast deal that requires no coupon at all, like two bacon egg biscuits for $2.22. It's well worth it, although the sausage is better.
I'm thinking Carl's Jr. is achieving some success with their decision to bake their own biscuits because I recently saw a poster saying they are now baking their own burger buns. I haven't tried them, but I like the sound of that.
So if you want a little quality in your fast food experience for a change try out Carl's Jr. for breakfast and, hell, get fries with it while you're at it.

St. George's FROSTOP

As you may have noticed, at times, I travel to St. George, Utah which is my wife's home town. I love everything about that lovely desert town except that as a result of my visits my skin often turns crispy and red. 2 minutes in that summer sun will most likely kill me. One of the several disadvantages of being a redhead.
On our most recent visit to this sandy paradise we decided to visit an old time favorite and local family-owned diner in town, Larsen's Frost Top. I've actually eaten here before, getting your fair-quality shake every once in a while. Their shakes are . . . fair in quality.
If you really want a blast from the past just park in one of their many drive-in slots and a lovely young waitress will walk up to your window and take your order. No one does that anymore! Although I do think the experience lacks a certain roller skate quality.
It's a fantasy of mine to park at a diner and have a woman in a whirly skirt roll up to my window on her American flag roller skates and say "What'll ya have hun?" Then later she'll roll up to my window again with a strange tray, and on that tray will be an big greasy burger. The strange tray will defy physics and balance on the outside of my partially open window. . . Alas, I fear it is only a silly dream.


I ordered, of course, the bacon cheeseburger (aka, the Queen Burger). I bought lunch for 4 people and spent $15. Not bad. As you can see, we ordered a bit of everything. The nearly-burnt-looking onion rings are what really stood out to me. After eating everthing, including the promising onion rings, it became apparent that all the food, much like their shakes, was fair in quality. Fair might even be an itsy bit generous too. Better than your typical fast food? Perhaps, but only just.

I found myself puzzled. Usually at a restaurant, burger places in particular, there is a menu item that I refer to as the "hero". Most burger places reserve that title for their burgers. Der! This is the item that they pride themselves in either perfecting or reinventing. I have no idea if Frost Top even has a hero. I'm not sure if they're a burger place that also serves ice cream or vice versa. I'm unsure because all the items I've tried have been, again, 'fair in quality'. My wife tends to think that their glaciers are the heroes, which is a snowcone on top of ice cream. She may be right, I've tried them and they are quite good. Good, but also easily executed.
But wait! I literally, just now as I was typing, remembered going to Frost Top a few years ago and absolutely LOVING what was served to me. What was it, you ask? It was their grilled ham & swiss sandwich. I don't know what it was about that particular sandwich but it was amazing. After finishing it I nearly ordered another.
So there you go, for fair in quality and affordable food as well as the occasional high quality glacier and grilled ham & swiss sandwhich give Frost Top a try.

JCW's and the amazing grilled cheese

It seems like JCW's has been around forever while at the same time it also seems to have just started showing up recently. I really have no idea when they started showing up in Utah but they are around now. According to my research (I just typed jcw in google) they have been around since 1998 and started here in Utah. So, there you go.
JCW's has that old not-trying-too-hard feel to it, which I like in a burger place. Because believe me, and if you have read my earlier posts you know, some places try way too hard. JCW's seems to be a plain and simple yet established greasy burger joint, nothing crazy.
Except their menu is crazy huge.
I get real worried when places sport a massive menu because I think that, often times, that the greasy side dish you order may actually be a byproduct from an over used grill that they then throw on some bread and call a 'special'. The place will make one pretty good item and then all those items between the lines are the lowest quality imaginable.
That did not seem to be the issue at JCW's. However, we didn't stray too far from the popular menu items either. I had a good bacon cheeseburger and my wife had a simple grilled cheese sandwich. My wife says, and I heartily agree, that sometimes only a grilled cheese will do. wise words.
My burger was ok. A decent burger for a price that I thought was just a bit high with no glitter yet it wasn't completely forgettable either. To me though, the fries were the highlight. Those fries may not be fresh cut, honestly I couldn't really tell. I'm guessing they're not but look at the color. That golden brown color may just be my very favorite color ever. When a fry is that color, it often means it is in what I call 'the buttah zone'. Meaning, they pulled those fries from the fryer at just the right moment, when the fries were in the 'buttah zone'. They are fried just over what one might think is enough, just the way I like them.

My wife loved, nay, LOVED her grilled cheese. I tasted it, and I thought it was good, but she was having a When Harry Met Sally experience with it. I think it was the right item at the right time for her specific craving. Rarely does one get to see this experience in the wild. But I saw it first hand. She wasn't too hungry but she was crave-y. She ordered her sandwich just because no one is ever disappointed with a grilled cheese and she was not. As you can see it arrived on large white sourdough bread. A not so typical, yet nothing really fancy, spin on the grilled cheese. I'm not sure I would say it was the best grilled cheese ever but my wife might disagree.
So if you want a decent burger and what may or may not be the best grilled cheese ever, try JCW's.
My sister compared JCW's to Culvers and I would have to agree. What Culvers lacks in bacon quality it makes up for with it's buttery aftertaste (although I don't think you can really make up for poor bacon quality. Not really). And what JCW's lacks in originality it makes up for with a solid product. Not my favorite place, but not overly hyped and it is what it says it is.

I'll have what she's having.

Guzzi's Vintage Burgers

You should eat at Guzzi's. Really, you should. But from my experience you need to plan on it. You might not be successful if you just decide to go there on a whim. Why? because it's only open 4 hours a day. Ok, 4 and a half.

From 11:00 A.M. to 3:30 P.M. Guzzi's makes some of the best burgers I've had the pleasure of testing. They only have half dozen items on the menu, my hope is that with a small menu they will give each item it's due attention to perfect it. Actually, I'm going to say they only have 5 things on the menu because I'm not counting the pineapple burger on principle.
My blog has way more readers than I ever anticipated (thanks!) and it has become somewhat of a conversation piece from other people who talk to me at social gatherings. My brother in law Eric is one such person who is interested in my opinion of burgers and has asked if he could join me every so often on my culinary adventures. To which I said "absolutely". Eric is a wise guy (in every meaning of the expression) and he is a person whose opinion I respect so his being present is only a plus for me.
We met there bright and early at noon (I work graveyard shift so noon is early for me) on Eric's lunch break. It is perhaps the weirdest burger joint I've ever visited. Very old, small, and not in the greatest shape; but it had plenty of 'spirit'; note the two motorcycles on the roof.
Eric and I both ordered the Blue Burger and Whitney ordered the Garlic Burger. These burgers are real, the people at Guzzi's are not trying to fool anyone, they are just trying to do their job well. The garlic burger was very garlic-y and very good, but the Blue Burger was very very good. They make a bleu cheese burger as I've never seen it done before. While grilling your patty they also grill the bacon and cheese together until it become a little patty of its own with a crispy crust of bleu cheese surrounding thick cut bacon. Like I said, it was very very good. Eric says his bacon was a little weird, but that was the only foul word spoken about our experience. Ok there was one other thing, my only real complaint was that their ice maker and soda machine was broken so there was a bag of ice on the counter to share between the customers and the soda wasn't carbonated. They were having an off day I think.
And the fries, I really enjoyed the fries too. They were fresh cut unpeeled and just look at them, really just look at them and remember that shade of golden brown. THAT, in my opinion, is the correct color of a fry. It should be on the well done side and crispy. A fresh cut fry will only get so crispy but these guys did it right. I've had some limp fries in my day, not a fan. The worst limp fry culprit was at Five Guys, I could have tied a not with those noodles. (remember this? Look at that last photo again. http://samburgered.blogspot.com/2013/05/five-guys-burgers-and-lies.html for shame.)
I really liked the burgers, I liked mine so much that I forgot to offer a taste to my wife even though I took a bite of hers. I owe you one honey.

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Can I get that with extra pastrami?

Of all the condiments, pastrami has to be one of the best ones right? I know it's not technically a condiment but it's used as one on burgers sometimes, and I'm ok with that.

I graduated from Olympus High School in Salt Lake City and during my time there Crown Burger was THE place to get a burger. Admittedly, I didn't really go there much. I think, counting this last week, I've been three times. There was always a running argument about whether Crown Burger was better than Apollo Burger, OHS students tended to favor Crown Burger, but I'm here to tell all of you that they are the same. Not similar, they are the exact same restaurant.
One has a name that aptly solidifies its identity as a burger restaurant with a tendency to lean toward the Greek persuasion and the other has a name that I'm sure was an attempt to fool dimwits into thinking they were Burger King. Are the two twin restaurants rivals? I have no idea, probably. But they are literally the exact same. Same menu, same signature pastrami burger, same 'vibe', same price, same individually wrapped baklava next to the register, same everything. This post will focus on my experience at Crown Burger but just know that I ate at both places for a fair and scientific comparison and the names of the restaurants are interchangeable for this blog's purposes. (Also, Astro Burger and Burger Supreme, I am told, are the same restaurant as well and possibly owned by the same family. But that's just word on the street)

We chose to go to the 33rd and State Street location and were surprised to find that we had accidentally entered an Olive Garden, wait. . . no. It actually was Crown Burger, but the inside was recently redesigned in a very Olive Gardeny way which gave off a very . . . not-a-burger-place vibe.
Crown Burger, as stated before, is a burger place (der!) yet they have a huge menu and also serve very Greekish stuff. I hear their gyros are good but I can't vouch for that. When given the choice between a lightly seasoned Greek taco or a fatty American burger, yeah, burger every time.
Their acclaimed Crown Burger is a burger with delicious pastrami on it. The burger was good, a bit dry but good. Without the amazing pastrami it wouldn't have impressed me much if at all. Also, their fry sauce had some weird sweet aftertaste. It put me off and I couldn't enjoy it. My wife loved it though and called me crazy. I'm just of the opinion that savory and sweet should only rarely cross paths. Savory should be savory and sweet should be sweet, but that's just me.
My verdict is that this restaurant is confused about its own identity. Their menu goes from burgers to rice (rice? It really weirded me out to see rice on the menu of a burger place. . .) to souvlaki to gyros and they even serve a rib eye steak for $10. . . I mean, their sign says Crown Burger, but their menu is so diverse that it's kind of scary. I could be completely wrong about my fear, especially since I know that this place has a large and loyal following. I'm afraid to try their rib eye steak though but now I just might have to try it, just to see. Anyone out there ever tried it?
To me, the smaller a menu the better. If you're going to be a burger place BE a burger place. At any rate the burger was good, not great, and they must be doing something right because after all these years it's still here and still loved by the community.
I'm willing to hear any arguements as to which burger place is better, Apollo or Crown. But again, as for me, my taste buds, and my experience they are exactly the same.

The Butter Burger

Try an activity with me. Say the words 'butter' and  'burger' as if they are one word together. Now call attention to your saliva glands. If you are like me at all they instantly opened their flood gates. Something about a Butterburger just sounds amazing. I recently visited Culver's whose claim to fame is the aforementioned Butterburger.
Before I begin my short story I must apologize to my amazing wife who receives the brunt of my teasing, I probably tease her too much on this little blog of mine. It's not that she is easy to make fun of, it's that she is the only person I hang out with. So it's either her or me . . . chock it up as one of the many disadvantages of being married to me. So, Whitney, I'm sorry, buuuuut . . .

My wife announced to me on our way home from St. George (for those of you who are unaware, a trip from St. George to Salt Lake is roughly 4-5 hours on the freeway, a long haul) that she was starving and wanted to stop for dinner. I replied saying that if we're going to stop to eat somewhere we should find a good burger place nearby and try it out so that I can write an amazing, informative, and clever blog post about it. However, we were on the freeway, half way home, literally in the middle of nowhere. If you are familiar with this particular route, then you know that there is absolutely nothing exciting about this stretch of nothing unless you count the Dairy Queen/Texaco in Scipio, and I don't.

We could have stopped at Dairy Queen, I have nothing against that particular restaurant, there is nothing bad about Dairy Queen but I've never been wowed by much of anything there except their pumpkin pie blizzards, which are amazing. So Itell my wife that if she can just wait until Lehi we can eat at the famous Culver's I've heard so much about. You must understand that my wife's happy moods are directly correlated with the amount of calories in her system. If her 'tank' is full she is among the happiest of campers. If her tank is 1/4 of the way full or below we are in what I call the danger zone.

I did my best not to speak too loudly or at all and was careful not to make too many quick movements the rest of the way to Lehi as her tank began running on fumes. All the strategies I have learned over the years.
An hour or so later we arrive in Lehi with only a  few casualties, luckily, and we settled in for a good buttery burger. We both ordered their bacon Butterburger (there go my saliva glands again) and crinkle fries.
All I know about Culver's is that they butter their buns. . . That doesn't seem like much to me but I have heard nothing but good reviews about them. As we ate, our bellies filled and my wife's naturally pleasant demeanor returned moments before she would have either withered away or erupted.
Was my burger buttery? Yes, actually it was. The butter just added to savory burger and its juiciness. A very very good burger. And this is one of the few restaurants that only served their burgers with real cheddar cheese, no American. The purist in me tips my hat to them for that.
However, I do have one complaint. Their bacon. Yes, it is possible to complain about bacon. Their bacon is flavorless, worse than the precooked stuff at McDonald's. I paid a good dollar or more for it and it added nothing to the burger at all. My advice, when you go to Culver's save your money, buy a regular cheddar butterburger and spend your extra dollar on their frozen custard, which is delicious.

P.S. Custard beats yogurt in a fight any day of the week and twice on Sunday. Also, I just found out that Culver's is now serving a pumpkin pie shake made from their frozen custard. . . Must try. If any of you have tried it let me know if it's any good. I've been burned in the past. I won't name any names but there is a fast food restaurant whose name rhymes with 'farctic pircle' whose pumpkin pie shake (if you can call it that) tastes more like a spoonfull of nutmeg and artificially flavored syrup.

Macaroni Burger??

We invited a couple to go out to dinner with us a while ago and they requested that I take them to a burger joint. I was honored that they regarded my opinion enough to think that my burger snobbery would lead them to a great experience. Also, I was honored that they actually read my blog especially after I offended them with my very controversial stance on pickles. Yes, I have friends who love pickles in their food and chances are that someone you know and love are pickle lovers as well. Tolerance.

I had three burger places in mind that have continually been brought up by friends of ours. I knew very little about them except that they were all bars that supposedly made great burgers. I offered all three options to Ryan and Emilee and immediately had all three choices shut down by said friends. Emilee claimed she was what doctors call 'pregnant' and didn't want to be around second hand smoke bla bla bla. Like cigarettes ever killed anyone. We then resorted to perusing yelp.com for well rated restaurants and decided on Rich's Burgers and Grub which is a little place in the heart of downtown Salt Lake City and one of the few burger places I had never heard of. 

If this place is anything it is creative. They make a macaroni and cheese burger. . . Need I say more? Creativity is great and all but it is also dangerous as hell. Creativity can go from a delicious garlic burgers to a vile Hawaiian pineapple burgers before you can say "no pickles". Both are creative, however, one is a delight the other an atrocity. Needless to say I was timid around all this creativity. We all ordered something different; Emilee got the artichoke heart burger, Ryan the bleu cheese, Whitney the macaroni and cheese, and me the simple bacon cheeseburger. 

As you can tell Rich's Burgers and Grub has a vast and diverse menu. My friends are great and offered me a bite from each of their burgers which was more than I would have asked for. Each burger was different and each was delicious. All that creativity was done wisely and paid off. If I had to rank them from most delicious to least I would rank them from the creamy and smooth macaroni and cheese burger to the simple but great bacon cheeseburger to the powerful bleu cheese burger to the tangy artichoke heart burger. But again, all of them were very good. AND all of them are served with the pickles on the side, now that's just plain courteous. Their fries looked amazing and sounded good on paper, what with all the spices and Parmesan cheese, but in the end they were just ok. Sometimes less is more, and I think in this case it is true with their fries. Their fried green beans were very good, however.

 All in all, for just finding this place without ever having it suggested it was a very good experience. They are a bit pricey, but I have learned from doing this blog that you usually get what you pay for. Usually. Highly recommend Rich's to anyone and I hope to go back soon to try some of their other menu options.

Salt City Burger

Exactly what Salt Lake needs, a burger company to put us on the map. I believe that is the goal at Salt City Burger Co.This place is a bit different than other burger places. Every burger comes to you with absolutely no condiments at all. Instead there is an enormous salad bar filled with onions, mayo, ketchup, tomatoes, lettuce, mustard, etc. . . The idea, I imagine, is that you get the condiments you want and no extra , let's say just for example purposes. . . pickles! That may or may not ruin your burger. The idea of this sounded really good to me. Get the burger you want and if it sucks the restaurant is only half to blame if at all right? Genius. I see a flaw in the system however. Humans have this problem that when they see free topping anywhere they just get a little of everything because hey, it's free and you want to get your money's worth. Like a supreme pizza, they're fine but it really just ends up being a green pepper pizza in the end. . . Am I right? All the toppings does not mean a better pizza or burger for that matter. My wife and I seemed to be some of the few humans who have learned this. The other flaw with this condiment bar idea is the tomatoes. I love tomatoes on my burgers, but . . . I mean, I am aware that not everyone is blessed with a tomato garden in their backyard like I am, least of all burger restaurants. We all know that there is a VAST difference between store-bought tomatoes and freshly grown tomatoes and I even accept that if I go out to eat anywhere I will have to settle for the far inferior store-bought tomatoes. I get it, it's just the way it is. But if you are going to put them on display in a giant tub can you at least buy them when they are red and not when they are pinkish orange? What a disappointment to walk up to their tub of pre-sliced tomatoes and mistake them for sliced orange wheels. I like it better when they just hide it under my bun so I didn't have to begrudgingly put in on my burger. And the tomatoes were kind of crunchy, not good. Anyway back to condiments in general. What did I get on my burger you ask? A dab (a small dab) of ketchup a dab (a bigger dab) of mustard, mayo, onions, 2 orange crunchy tomato slices (two because they were about the size of a silver dollar), lettuce, and pepper. That is my usual list on my typical burger minus the orange and crunchy parts.
Remember when I described the tomatoes as 'not good'. Not good is a good way to describe my entire experience there. To me this is a place that is seemingly doing everything right, yet they still fail somehow. The environment was cool and the service was good though a bit on the slow side but the food was just 'meh. I ordered the Smokehouse Bacon Bleu Burger. Now, this particular burger was special and different from their normal bacon burger because the bacon was infused into the burger itself. That ALWAYS gets me, I'm such a sucker. I can't help it, it just sounds so good! But it was not. How can a bacon infused burger end up dry and bland? How? I don't know but it was. The best part was their bleu cheese, that was about all the flavor I got the entire meal. The buns look homemade and they were amazing. The onion rings were fine and the fries were fine too, nothing wrong with them but nothing to brag about either. So there you go, one of my least favorite experiences yet. I would be willing to give them a second chance but we are not speaking to each other until I can get over it. Disappointed at the end of the meal, we ordered a homemade cookie with ice cream on top just so we wouldn't end on a bad note. Aaaaaaaaand it was worse than the burger. only the outer edges were done. Maybe I caught them on a bad day, I don't know. Some of you should go try them for me and see if your experience is any better than mine. Let me know if they deserve a shot at redemption.

Burger at the Bar

Most bars are not known for their food. I do not drink and I never go to bars, but even I know that you shouldn't eat from the bowl of pretzels on the bar. Who knows where the hands that have touched them have been? But hark, there is at least one exception to the don't-eat-the-food-at-bars rule. That exception is The Cotton Bottom which is aptly located at the bottom of the cottonwood canyons. This bar is old and from what I can see hasn't had a paint job since . . . ever.

Remember when I said I never go to bars. I really really meant that I never ever go to bars. It's just not me. But people at my wife's work have recommended this place over and over again. I have no problem going to a bar, I know I'm an adult. But I really have no idea how to behave in one. I don't know the dress code, I don't drive a motor cycle, I've never been in a fight, my press on tattoo is already rubbing away, I don't think I could break a pool cue over my knee, I like sleeves on my shirts, and my wife said no when I suggested she wear a tube top and heels. I do, however, own a red bandanna, but I grow a pretty sissy beard and an even sissier mustache. What is a clean cut Mormon couple to do? We decided to just wing it.
I was sure I would stick out as a sore thumb in that place but nobody seemed to notice us. Well, not until we couldn't seem to find the entrance, some nice bikers pointed us toward the door. The door was a jimmy rigged piece of painted wood and we had to walk through the kitchen to get inside. When we finally did get inside we decided we didn't like second hand smoke so much so we ate outside on one of the picnic tables.
The Cotton Bottom has one cook, one waitress, and just one food item on the menu; just cheeseburgers. They don't even serve fries. When the lovely waitress saw us we ordered a pitcher of Pepsi, because we like the hard stuff, and she just said "2 cheeseburgers?" Yes ma'am, that was easy.
The burgers are huge and the pickles are served on the side, ON THE SIDE. Thank you! Finally someone gets it. Pickles have about a 50% satisfaction rate and the customer should not have them forced on them. Bonus points for you Cotton Bottom. Do you like garlic? You had better hope so if you plan on going to The Cotton Bottom. They are very garlic-y but not annoyingly so. However, plan on garlic burps for a day or two. The bun is, I think, a cut off section of a very large deli bun. Very sponge-y, unlike any burger bun you have likely tried and very good. A very simple but delicious burger that needed very little to no condiments to enhance it. The outdoor patio was a cool environment, so much so that we stayed 30 minutes after we finished our food to just sit, talk and enjoy the evening under the pine trees.
If you want a unique experience and a delicious burger with a twist I would highly recommend The Cotton Bottom. And turns out you don't need a bandanna or denim vest to get in, but it wouldn't hurt either.