I don't need your help, you're just making things worse.
Sincerely,
Food of the world
Ok, ok everyone calm down, this is a blog of my opinions, OPINIONS. (I have to start this post like this because I have noticed some people get very passionate about condiments and fruit. But oddly no one is passionate about passion fruit. . .) How many pizza's, jellos, and frog eye salads (it's a Utah thing, look it up) have been ruined by this otherwise heavenly fruit?
Let's be crystal clear. I love pineapple, it is possibly the most delicious of all fruit. I believe that, alone, pineapple is a blessed fruit invented by our Creator with the sole purpose to bring us joy. . . Alone. . . Only alone and not as an ingredient in other foods. Lobster is also delicious but you don't see me adding it to my apple pie. That would do nothing but ruin a food that needed no such help in the first place.Alone pineapple is bliss to the palate but when it is diced and thrown into recipes that are not in need of reinvention it is diabolical. I know many of you claim to enjoy pineapple pizza. To you people I say: No you don't and you are wrong.
I think people are confusing themselves. The pizza is delicious and the pineapple is delicious, but these people just somehow judge them separately rather than how they taste together. The texture and the taste do not jive. The last thing warm, savory, gooey, crunchy pizza needs is an over-sweet, wet, leaking, fibrous lump of magma-hot fruit that has been in a tin can since the cold war. I don't understand how it keeps making the cut and showing up on menu's roster every year. That is disturbing enough but now there is an even more offensive trend developing in the culinary world: Pineapple on burgers.
WHY!!!!!!
To this I say, beam me up Scotty because I don't want to live on this planet any more.
At this point you could read my pickle post and essentially replace the word 'pickle' with pineapple and you would get an essence of how I feel about it.
I don't care how Hawaiian the name of the burger is or how much teriyaki you douse it with, the pineapple doesn't belong.
A few years back I was having one of those weeks, you know the kind. I was just tired of dealing with people and needed some time for myself. My wife left town for some reason leaving me alone and I decided to cheat on our diet a bit and go to Carl's Jr. I found a coupon for buy 1 get 1 free teriyaki burger so I got two identical burgers . . . to eat alone. Now that I remember this story I am realizing I must have been in a deep depression because rather than go home and eat my food I drove to a cemetery and ate it on a bench among the dead. Not sure why, I probably didn't want to eat it at my empty house but didn't want to be surrounded by living people at the nearby park either so logically the cemetery made sense at the time. Anyway, I ate the first burger without even thinking, or tasting for that matter. Then when I started on the second I got about three bites in when I realized that I did not like this combination at all. The flavor and textures just contradicted each other. Way to end an already crappy week right? I couldn't even enjoy one thing that week, not even surrounded by dead people, man when it rains it pours.
The hatred I harbor for the pineapple in my food is different than that I have toward the pickle. My reaction to pickles on my burger is annoyance and anger. My reaction to pineapples on my burger is to bow my head, turn and slowly walk away as a near constant stream of tears fall from my cheeks. The idea that people think that this is a good idea breaks my heart. When will the hurting stop?
That is all I have to say on the matter, I can't talk about it anymore. I need a break and possibly a good long cry. Maybe there's a cemetery nearby or at least a morgue where I can be at peace with myself.
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